No Walk of Shame Here
It was the first time I took a cab home from office and the last. I lived walking distance from work so I can spend more time in the office. It costed $10.56 to avoid walking in the rain and in shame. At that point, I could not control my emotions and the tears kept coming. He said “It has nothing to do with your work and in fact you are very much valued by a lot of people here.. we are going through restructuring..”. Those words kept playing over and over in my head. This is the first time I got laid off since I started working at age 14.
Reaching Out & Wasting No Time
I called my mom the moment I got home and informed all my family and friends via Facebook that I had just been laid off. I was hoping for some *tough* love as I was given over the years. I thought maybe it will ignite strength in me because I was getting so weak. On the contrary, what I received was unconditional love. The type of love that made me feel hurt for using work as excuse to not make time for my family and friends all these years. For always putting work first. I told myself I was wrong. Before I allowed myself to crumble in my bed. I called my recruiter, networks, neighbor, and all the resources provided by the bank. Appointments were made, updated resume sent, and I did all that I could before turning off the light and silence my phone.
Falling Hard
I got incredibly sick the following day and spent most of the next two weeks on my bed nursing a terrible cold. I had lost my voice and coughing nonstop day and night. I kept telling myself “I failed, I’m a failure”. I fought hard to climb and every step of the way; there were people telling me to stop pursuing, that I was not good enough, and that I will never be.. and this time I started to believe maybe they were right. I was plummeting physically, emotionally, and mentally. I found myself drowning in what they called depression and I started mentally beating myself up everyday. I just could not deal with failure. And I failed for the first time.
Healing, Supports, and Getting Creative
It took weeks before I finally stopped crying (during the day at least). I always say “I’m useless outside of work” and I was experiencing that for the first time. I knew I have to change and now I have the time to build my personal life. I finally stopped hiding from my family and friends. I was lucky to always have a strong and positive circle of influence. They reminded me that
1. I lost my job but not my skills and experiences
2. Unlike others, I have savings to carry me through
3. This is temporary
4. And that I should enjoy this time off because I will start working in no time.
So I picked up my Sony Alpha 7ii and started recording more inspiring stories for Electric Pea Productions and I even learned how to edit videos on Final Pro. It felt rewarding to share and learn from each other’s stories and slowly I was myself again.
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