To Never Getting Hurt

I have always been awkward. It probably started during the fifth grade. I was bullied on a daily basis by my classmates. To these kids, I was an outsider. A chubby, fresh out of the boat looking tomboy, who had came to the United States a year prior. My teacher did nothing to stop the bullying. In fact, on occasions, she made things worst. At one point, I just stopped crying and started building up a wall in my little corner of the classroom. I have learned I am perfectly fine to be alone. I just have to build the necessary tools to defense myself.

Before long, I was the chubby girl among a group of pretty friends. I let my guards down and it was the first time I felt insecure. I started wearing make up to fit in. I love having my group of friends and from time to time I still get bullied, but it was okay. Because this time, someone was there to cry with me in the stairway and we comforted each other. Years later, I found myself crying on the steps of some house in Burlington, Massachusetts and trying to convince my two best friends at the time to not discard me. I was about 15. Eventually, I was discarded and since then I never really opened up again.

I learned at a young age, people are complicated and capable of causing harm despite how close they are to you. It is inevitable. Sometimes the closer, the more it hurts. But we are all human. In fact, the more exposure we have to getting hurt, the stronger, the smarter, and the more resilient we become. The idea is to keep running the show, no matter how difficult the circumstances. Just keep moving forward and get better each time. Negativity is temporary and can be disposed. Do not become self destructive. It might take some willpower but it gets easier with age.

The one thing that can never hurt me is my career (so I thought). It was the perfect distraction and my excuse for everything. I invested a lot in my career as it yields tangible rewards. I feel invincible in the office because nothing can hurt me as long as I was good at my job. But sometimes distraction can become a form of trap on its own and that feeling, missing out on life.

I am cautious with risk. I take it when the opportunity presents itself and when my answer is “absolutely yes” to learning, to growing, and to something meaningful. So I stayed out of trouble. And with that, certain rewards are limited. Certain desires unfulfilled. No, I do not have the formula to not getting hurt while maximizing life experiences. It is simply impossible. I’m just learning to get better each time. When it get’s incredibly hard, stay strong and never give up. It may be the best time to achieve meaningful change and growth. After all, as per Mr. Fahrenheit, “nothing really matters”. In a few years, it may be “the best thing that could have happened”.